Testosterone

When people say “men and women would never understand each other”, they’re usually actually saying, “men would never understand women”. Most women I know would scoff at the idea of not understanding. It’s a known fact that women know everything, because we claim that we do, and because men really don’t know any better to prove otherwise.

Now, to be fair, I’ll be one of those women who would admit that girls, too, don’t fully understand a guy’s world. I spent 4 years in a male-dominated community (male-female ratio was 3:1 back in uni), and I know I’ve witnessed a lot of discussion about things I never thought guys would think about. I remember that slight ego bruise when Yahoo! began quoting Men’s Health for its food article sources. Call me conventional, but I thought only women have enough capacity to care enough about what goes into their body to not only calculate, but also rank nutritional values. I also thought only women can argue that staying “healthy” (when we really mean “thin”) is much too important to bother about the possible economic repercussions of labeling perfectly legal, FDA-approved restaurant dishes as “worst meals” or “places to avoid”. I will have to say, though, that I’ve found the Eat This, Not That! site quite interesting, even if most of the chains discussed are not available here (there’s a book version of this site, and I know Aksara sells it, if you’re interested).

Looking at the ETNT website, I’m reminded of my favorite male-dominated online source: Cracked. I was fairly new to the web when I found Cracked, and I was instantly infatuated to see a site with such strong personality built into it. The way it’s written and how they choose their lists, I think, is a true testament to what’s in a guy’s mind. The writers are shallow and not the least bit ashamed of it ["Here are some words that you'll see used incorrectly on a daily basis...we have also included many pictures of these words being read by women with large boobs."], and it’s hilarious. This blog is almost like every girl’s nightmare, everything they fear their guys would be, and so I hope introducing the blog to my dear female readers would introduce them to the reality: yes, your men do gravitate towards porn, even if they were doing Innocent Google Searches. If that doesn’t scare you enough, ladies, take a look at this post, from the writer of “Every Man Sees You Naked” (you may wonder what I was doing in fabulously40.com, but can we please focus on the matter on hand?). I promise you, you will never look at men the same way again.

Impervious superficiality aside, I have to give credit to Cracked for giving me a rather obvious but still surprising insight of what men yearns: to be manly. In fact, some of their most entertaining posts are those with the words “badass” or “manliest”. My personal favorites are The 6 Most Badass Science Stunts and 11 Most Badass Last Words, and of course, The Manliest Names in the World, which I repeatedly quote to charm any guy I just met. Women too have role models of true beauty, and we definitely feel the pressure to fit the type, but a guy’s admiration of manliness is wondrously stronger and almost universally true. Men’s classic butch idols are immortalized, it seems, and nothing screams this out better than that age-old pondering: Is Chuck Norris The Most Manly Man Alive? (for those of you desperate for a touch of His Greatness, they sell Chuck Norris jeans here)

At this point I was already quite impressed – it turned out there’s this other world of men that I have never expected. But where, I wonder, is the world of men that most women expected: the suave, debonair world of polite men with exquisite manners, those with chivalrous acts and well-groomed appearances? Surely some guys, like Fonzworth Bentley, must still appreciate the classic art of being a true gentleman? So I Googled “How to be a gentleman” and was rewarded an actual book by that title. It’s written by John Bridges, and it’s sort of the male equivalent of “How to Walk in High Heels”. Some of the tips include:

A gentleman . . .
. . . . does not attempt to walk and send text messages simultaneously.

. . . . doesn’t wipe away a lipstick smudge in the presence of the woman who planted it on him. He bears it, even if briefly, as a badge of honor, wiping it away later with a handkerchief.

. . . . places his knife and his fork on his plate side by side, as if they were the hands of a clock set at 5:25, when he’s finished eating.

. . . . leaves the bottom button of his vest undone.

. . . . never wears a bow-tie with a button-down shirt.

A part of the book is available on Google Books, although that would only show you 38 out of its 200 pages.

And guys, if you find this guide rather too conventional, rest assured that a bit of manner is essential in any part of the modern world. The etiquette in lap dancing, for example, is something I’m sure any men would be glad to practice, and the art of bribing your way into a restaurant is still a surprisingly useful skill to learn. And of course, no article about the art of gentlemen would be complete without the mention of The Art of Manliness, whose totally awesome title is guaranteed to make you click that link. They have their own (completely free) gentleman’s guide too.

Now to put this in perspective, I really have no clue if any of these articles are still believed, let alone practiced. I like to think they are, though, because it gives so much depth into my perspective of the male brain. I still think women are the most complex character to ever roam the world, but it’s good to know that men are at least able to keep up with us.

Welcome to The Slurper

So.

This blog is a form of my endless marvel at the web, or rather, the endless collection of information available at the web. There’s just so much stuff online, one can’t possibly be expected to wrap one’s head around it.  When you look up an issue, you don’t just end up with a Wikipedia page and some scientific journals – you got reviews, online forum debates, lists of most influential blog posts, pictures of site visits, etc. And these are mere page 3 stuff on your Google hits. I know whenever I look something up, I’d end up having much more information to it than I ever thought possible (plus some extra facts on similar issues, subsets or otherwise). And the amazing thing is, this abundance of information doesn’t discourage you – well, maybe not to me – but it builds this unhealthy addiction to spend an hour in front of your computer to learn about something your neighbor happen to mention as they were walking their dog. Or something of the sort.

Since I’m now completely unable to talk comfortably about anything without giving a helpful URL on it, I thought it might be interesting to share how one roams around the internet, attempting to learn something, and attempting even harder to justify hours of reading trivialities as “learning”.

At the end of the day, I guess this is no more than a blogger writing about things she found interesting, although I’d like to think of this blog as a place where one can have a heightened appreciation of what’s out there. We may never understand what it’s like to be in a Total Perspective Vortex, but I’m convinced that looking at the online world is the next best thing.